I miss being vulnerable…
Being a kid I used to ask my mother to play with my hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed how she massaged my head and neck. Her gentle touch made me feel the most loved child on earth.
I was feeling weak and protected.
Today at 28 years old, I can’t remember when somebody touched my head and hair. Letting somebody do that, it’s a matter of trust. I can’t let everybody do that. It’s not serious.
Being an adult vulnerability is perceived as a weakness. You can’t act like a child anymore.
I still need that gentle touch and hug. I miss that. It gave me joy, happiness and a sense of fulfillment.
Being vulnerable means, being alive
A tender loving touch is necessary for normal development of a healthy person. This need for a touch doesn’t disappear as we mature, and when we get older many of us feel fear – we are afraid to touch another person.
The miracle of head massage
My mother is a strong character. She is an accountant with over 25 years of experience.
Over her entire career she faced many hard hours during tax season and tight deadlines. Being able to cope with her responsibilities, I rarely saw my mother happy after her day job.
“I can’t take this anymore”, she said. “I want to come home and forget about work. I want to practice yoga, fitness, pilates or whatever. I don’t have time to care for my self. All I get after work is severe migraine and anxiety”.
I stared at her, horrified. Thanks to having a job with smaller salary, but with a better emotional environment.
My mother takes too many responsibilities on her part. She ends up worrying for too many things. I asked her “Why do you need that?”. Her answer is always, “If I won’t do it, who will?”.
I patiently listened. I understood that she doesn’t need my advice. All she needs is somebody who’ll understand what she is going through, her pain and worries.
I waited for a pause in her speech and interrupted her. “Would you like a head massage? This will help you release the tension in your shoulders, neck and head”.
And she said, “No, not this time. I have a lot of work”.
I patiently listened, again. I was shocked that she ignored my massage proposal. I whispered, “work will never end, but a head massage lasts 20 minutes and you’ll feel better”.
A few weeks later, my mother booked an Indian head massage also known as Champissage in a local spa. After the massage she was smiling. Her eyes were shining of happiness and relaxation. “The therapist applied essential oils together with head massage techniques. The aroma of the oils was so relaxing. It was great!”, she said.
I was happy to see my mother smiling again.
In school you’re told that life is an always learning path. You have to overcome challenges and this should make you smarter and stronger. We’d all like to earn a little more money, right? There are three levels you have to go through.
1. As you grow up you need to have unshakable confidence, endless energy, you have to look attractive and charismatic. This will make your life easier and will help you get a better job.
2. You’ve got the job. It’s time to prove you’re worth it. You have to stand out of the crowd.
3. Hopefully in a while you have the recognition of your boss. He promotes you to a higher level job title with a higher salary range. As a bonus you’ll get a higher level of job responsibilities.
Now you’re on top of the mountain, but you miss spending time in the gym or hanging out with friends. Those moments made you feel alive, now they’re only memories.
You feel guilty that you gave it away. And you ask for help.
Fighting for your happiness
You have to make a step back. Accept that you are not a superman.
It doesn’t mean you’re not talented.
It’s not bad luck.
It has nothing to do with the amount of money you earn.
The problem is the “you have to be better” syndrome. You’re smart, motivated and hard-working, so you have everything it takes to enjoy your life.
Whatever you do, try finding time for things you enjoy. Otherwise, you’ll fail.
It’s not about coming home from work and watching TV for four hours until you fell asleep. It’s about:
1. Scheduling your evening hours for some physical practice like yoga, fitness or whatever you like.
2. Spending 30 minutes soaked in a hot tub.
3. Booking a one hour relaxing aromatherapy massage once a month or two.
Happiness is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy.
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