Head Massage, Guilt and Fighting for Your Happiness

Relaxing head massage in a hot tub

I miss being vulnerable…

Being a kid I used to ask my mother to play with my hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed how she massaged my head and neck. Her gentle touch made me feel the most loved child on earth.

I was feeling weak and protected.

Today at 28 years old, I can’t remember when somebody touched my head and hair. Letting somebody do that, it’s a matter of trust. I can’t let everybody do that. It’s not serious.

Being an adult vulnerability is perceived as a weakness. You can’t act like a child anymore.

I still need that gentle touch and hug. I miss that. It gave me joy, happiness and a sense of fulfillment.

Being vulnerable means, being alive

A tender loving touch is necessary for normal development of a healthy person. This need for a touch doesn’t disappear as we mature, and when we get older many of us feel fear – we are afraid to touch another person.

The miracle of head massage

My mother is a strong character. She is an accountant with over 25 years of experience.

Over her entire career she faced many hard hours during tax season and tight deadlines. Being able to cope with her responsibilities, I rarely saw my mother happy after her day job.

“I can’t take this anymore”, she said. “I want to come home and forget about work. I want to practice yoga, fitness, pilates or whatever. I don’t have time to care for my self. All I get after work is severe migraine and anxiety”.

I stared at her, horrified. Thanks to having a job with smaller salary, but with a better emotional environment.

My mother takes too many responsibilities on her part. She ends up worrying for too many things. I asked her “Why do you need that?”. Her answer is always, “If I won’t do it, who will?”.

I patiently listened. I understood that she doesn’t need my advice. All she needs is somebody who’ll understand what she is going through, her pain and worries.

I waited for a pause in her speech and interrupted her. “Would you like a head massage? This will help you release the tension in your shoulders, neck and head”.

And she said, “No, not this time. I have a lot of work”.

I patiently listened, again. I was shocked that she ignored my massage proposal. I whispered, “work will never end, but a head massage lasts 20 minutes and you’ll feel better”.

She agreed!

A few weeks later, my mother booked an Indian head massage also known as Champissage in a local spa. After the massage she was smiling. Her eyes were shining of happiness and relaxation. “The therapist applied essential oils together with head massage techniques. The aroma of the oils was so relaxing. It was great!”, she said.

I was happy to see my mother smiling again.

On guilt

In school you’re told that life is an always learning path. You have to overcome challenges and this should make you smarter and stronger. We’d all like to earn a little more money, right? There are three levels you have to go through.

1. As you grow up you need to have unshakable confidence, endless energy, you have to look attractive and charismatic. This will make your life easier and will help you get a better job.
2. You’ve got the job. It’s time to prove you’re worth it. You have to stand out of the crowd.
3. Hopefully in a while you have the recognition of your boss. He promotes you to a higher level job title with a higher salary range. As a bonus you’ll get a higher level of job responsibilities.

Now you’re on top of the mountain, but you miss spending time in the gym or hanging out with friends. Those moments made you feel alive, now they’re only memories.

You feel guilty that you gave it away. And you ask for help.

Fighting for your happiness

You have to make a step back. Accept that you are not a superman.

It doesn’t mean you’re not talented.

It’s not bad luck.

It has nothing to do with the amount of money you earn.

The problem is the “you have to be better” syndrome. You’re smart, motivated and hard-working, so you have everything it takes to enjoy your life.


Whatever you do, try finding time for things you enjoy. Otherwise, you’ll fail.

It’s not about coming home from work and watching TV for four hours until you fell asleep. It’s about:
1. Scheduling your evening hours for some physical practice like yoga, fitness or whatever you like.
2. Spending 30 minutes soaked in a hot tub.
3. Booking a one hour relaxing aromatherapy massage once a month or two.

Happiness is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy.


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  1. Thanks Ion great post

  2. I love this article! I specialize in Women 50+ and a head massage or foot massage is sometimes all the touch they need to bring life into them and make them feel really great. I advocate touch for all people but especially those of us who are in the baby boomer population and older. They need touch to thrive!

  3. Wow, what a wonderful,thoughtful vulnerable post. You put your finger on the pulse of our commonality. Thank you for sharing Ion.

    • Thanks Linda! Your reaction is very encouraging to me.

      Honestly I’m not often that vulnerable, but I find it gets many great comments and feedback.

  4. Nice blog Ion. Keep writing!

  5. Great post! Ion, instead of just leaving messages on my contact page, why not search through my blog and leave a comment on a post? That would be more beneficial to both of us!

  6. Nice post Ion!

  7. The power of touch to heal – indisputable. We need the human relationship and connection to be whole. Thanks for sharing.

    • It’s interesting that having many things you might feel lonely. We are social beings and we need to learn to live in community.

  8. Thanks for this post, Ion. I agree, work never ends. Your article reminds me to get back to my nightly tryst with my essential aromatherapy oils.

  9. Being vulnerable opens you up to new experiences in life.
    Nice job on the blog and to your health Ion.

  10. You had me at head massage Ion! And just like you I’ve always loved having my head shampooed and massaged. In fact, it’s till my favourite thing at the hair salon! :)

    • Sandi, I’m also wondering why they don’t offer a 20 minutes head massage in hair salons. I would pay double price. Imagine going out of a hair salon refreshed and with cool hair. Who would’t like that?

  11. I enjoyed reading your post. Thank you for sending me a link! :)

  12. “Happiness is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy.” A great moto to have in our life !

    • Agree with you. It’s easy to get confused with so many options we have today. We have to focus on those that have a direct impact on our life.

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